boundary waters preview
On Friday, I will leave for a nine-day hiking adventure on the boundary waters in Canada and northern Minnesota. I will be sure to post as soon as I return, and here is some of what you have to look forward to.
EIGHT QUESTIONS TO BE RESOLVED IN QUETICO:
1) Do I, Bill goddamn Cross, have the STRENGTH and COURAGE to go the 50 miles?
2) Do I have the STRENGTH and COURAGE to fight off insects the size of Neeley's head?
3) Do mosquitoes the size of Neeley's head actually exist?
4) Do mosquitoes the size of AKS' much larger head actually exist?
5) Does gold bond powder really attract bears to your loins?
6) What does it feel like to have a bear bite your crotch?
7) Can I live on a diet of fish and noodles for a week?
8) Failing that, can I live on a diet of fish, noodles and human flesh for a week?
I hope you guys are as excited to read the post-trip post as I am to write it. Bye all. Or as they say in Canada, "bye all, eh?"
-Bill "bear fellatio" Cross
EIGHT QUESTIONS TO BE RESOLVED IN QUETICO:
1) Do I, Bill goddamn Cross, have the STRENGTH and COURAGE to go the 50 miles?
2) Do I have the STRENGTH and COURAGE to fight off insects the size of Neeley's head?
3) Do mosquitoes the size of Neeley's head actually exist?
4) Do mosquitoes the size of AKS' much larger head actually exist?
5) Does gold bond powder really attract bears to your loins?
6) What does it feel like to have a bear bite your crotch?
7) Can I live on a diet of fish and noodles for a week?
8) Failing that, can I live on a diet of fish, noodles and human flesh for a week?
I hope you guys are as excited to read the post-trip post as I am to write it. Bye all. Or as they say in Canada, "bye all, eh?"
-Bill "bear fellatio" Cross
posted by The University Daily Kansan at 9:37 PM
6 Comments:
i hate you. i hope that you get lost in the woods and the only thing that keeps you going is knowing that when you are found, (after evading rescuers on four wheelers) i will greet you with a hardy titty twister and a hearty "i hate you." may the leeches suck you dry. — aks
I don't hate you. I actually like you quite a bit. But please, please don't ever sign your name like that again. You're gross.
Azita
I've been to the Boundary Waters a few times and let me tell you, you're in for a treat. The scenery I mean, not the bear thing. I've never heard that about bears, although for safety's sake I guess you might want to bag up the gold bond and hang it from a tree at night. Maybe that will distract the bears from your groin.
--Andy
Yep, I've heard nothing but good things about the boundary waters so far.
That's a lie. My cousin went, walked through a small stream, and was covered up to her knee in leeches. But my badass Gortex boots, the purchase of which officially exhausted my cash supply, will save me.
Sorry, Azita. It won't happen again. :^)
-Bill "leech fetish" Cross
Do you have gators? If not then you should get some. I hope you know what gators are. True Boy Scout nerds (some of whom run from search parties) know what they are... and maybe wear them on a regular basis.
-Nate "a bear has never sniffed my crotch while camping" Karlin
I was going to make a really off-color remark about it being time Bill got some sucking below the knees, but I thought it was a bit much. Oh crap, too late ... — AKS
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