I could tell you, but then I'd have to kill you

Tomorrow is my first day of work at my new job. After two months of bitching, I begin work at a U.S. Government employee at 8 a.m. with in-processing. This is where I have to spend the day learning about how to be a government employee or something like that. Maybe I'll have to pee in a cup, who knows. I also have to participate in a telephone hearing with my old employers and a judge with the state's Department of Labor. The state denied my unemployment benefits and I appealed. My ol' pals are fighting the appeal so now we have to talk to a judge about it. So far this getting a government job process has been highly inefficient. I am probably not supposed to say a whole lot about it, but I filled out a shit-ton of paperwork to get national security clearance. So if any of you get calls about me, you'll know what's up. I want to make entertaining jokes about the content of this paperwork, but then the government might revoke my clearance. Damn, they've already got me. Save the speeches, Vockrodt. Anyway, I just moved into a new place with a new roommate and I don't have Internet access yet, so I'm pretty much cut off from everyone. Except for Bill. He still finds the time to send AIM texts to my phone (at my own expense). 12/02/2005: "you suck poop from your own butt." Thanks, Bill. Despite that douche's unexplained texting, things are starting to look up (hopefully) (And fuck all of you overzealous copy editors who judge my use of 'hope.' I'll use 'hope' if I damn well please, you fuckers.). I HOPE everyone is doing well. Merry Christmas, and all that shit. Broke, but still boozin' -- AKS