Poker? I don't even like her

Every Sunday, we run a poker column by some guy named Phil Hellmuth. My friend Erin hates the fact that she has to run him and all of the copyeditors detest proofing his column. All he writes about are his celebrity "friends," moving around the table and card combinations. He uses so much jargon it makes you want to stab your eyes out when you read it.

He usually never writes about anything worth quoting, or at least that I can tell seeing as how I don't understand anything he writes about. However, this week was different. Erin was laying out next Sunday's page (we do Sunday's Feature section in advance) and she stumbled on this gem while editing his column for length.

"As I walked over to my new table I said, 'Deal me in,' to the dealer, who then dealt me in alright. He dealt me all the way in!"

Ew. Or in Erin's words: Ewwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww.

Thanks, Phil. Not only do I want to stab out my eyes, I also feel very dirty.