It was nice to see traffic pick up a bit on the dusty Kansan blog. I attribute my absence to the lack of Internet at my new apartment. Well, it’s not so new. I moved into the same building as Hylander at the end of January and am looking forward to staying in one place for more than six months.
And, now, because I don’t have a personal blog and refuse to start one lest I become even more egotistical, here is an update on Army life in the Junk ...
The job is great. I get to do some pretty cool stuff. I’ve thrown live hand grenades, fired nearly every small weapon, including the M203 grenade launcher, hung out in several kinds of tanks, trapped and released prairie chickens, spent a day learning primitive survival skills with Special Forces Soldiers and watched Bush and Cheney shovel their crap at Soldiers. I have the coolest job.
Abby and her husband, Jeff, moved back to Lawrence so they could be closer to family and his chemo doctor in Topeka. I miss them greatly. With my friends moving away or eloping with Soldiers they met at a bar four months prior, social outings are dwindling. Jousers paid me a much-appreciated visit last month. Surely you’ve joined the Facebook group.
Like seeing your 17-year-old sister’s My Space page, it may shock you to know I’m not engaged, married, divorced or with child.
My more recent tales of woe (Who would I be if I weren’t bitching about something?) are directly linked to boys. Instead of regaling you with detailed accounts of my doomed love life, I’ll give the annotated version in the form of a
McSweeney's list.
THINGS I WISH YOU’D HAVE SAID BEFORE WE MADE OUT:
“Yeah, I went to high school with Marissa Stephenson!”“I want to make beautiful Asian babies with you.”“My Filipino bride should be here in less than a year.”“I can’t spell really/night/sure/tomorrow/through/smiling.”“I’m 20 and I’ve been divorced ... twice!”“I think I might have Post Traumatic Stress Disorder.”“I used to be a Marine.”“The second night I sleep at your house, I’m going to move your girl stuff aside to make way for my shaving kit.”“Hey random drunk girl at the Royals game, let’s make out in front of Amanda.”“I think I might still be in love with my ex-wife.”“You don’t deserve to be engaged.” “I’m married and have two kids.”“I’m not really married, but I do have a kid. I just didn’t want to get serious so I had my baby-sitter call you and pretend to be my wife.”“You know I could take care of you, right?”“I will get arrested in four months.”“I will write an overwrought poem about how you lost me and read it aloud in public in front of you and two of your friends.”¿Qué el jode?
AKS
