Important notice

If you haven't seen the back page of today's FYI section in the KC Star, it includes the GREATEST jumphead EVER. So check it.

BC

PS - It's POOPHEADS! IT SAYS POOPHEADS IN HUGE LETTERS! I laughed for FIVE HOURS!

Some time to kill...

I can say with full assuredness that the Internet is for people with too much time on their hands.

Something that I've felt for a while was only reinforced by a discovery I made yesterday. I was googling myself - WAIT, before you say anything - I only did it in order to find photos I had taken for the paper so I could update my portfolio. Anyways, somewhere between a link to some fiesta photo I had taken and a memo listing judges of the KSPA competition, I found a link attaching my name to Marihemp, the marijuana and hemp network.

Obviously intrigued, I clicked through to see what it was. On one of the message boards "Libertarian Toker" had gotten into a heated debate with "forced registration" about "Canadian Jewish Authors Castigating Anti-Christian Media Bias."

I scratched my head as to how in the world my name was going to be anywhere on this message board and scrolled through countless messages about Canadian tyranny and a gay person pinching someone's ass, etc. Apparantly, between these burning social issues, "forced registration" was able to segway from censoring hatred to protect minorities to the US censorship of coffin pictures to protect US foreign policy. There - lo and behold - was an opinion piece I had written a year and half ago about Bush censoring coffin pictures. It had my name on it, but its words seemed strikingly out of context and only half of the original piece appeared on the post.

While I don't doubt that I have a large, cultish following out there somewhere, I was curious as to how in the world this anonymous marijuana supporter had gotten a hold of my thoughts on Bush's political actions. That is until I googled "bush censorship AND coffin pictures." My opinion piece was the first result of thousands.

The original University Daily Kansan version had been picked up and published by the student newspaper of Boston College, who misidentified me as a University of Mississippi student writing for the Daily Mississippian. And the likely reason that "forced registration" only posted the first half is that a free login was required to view anymore of the Boston College paper's content.

It wasn't the first time I've found some of my work pilfered on the Internet, but it was probably the most bizarre. And one of the better examples of how the Internet is just a big time waster for people with a lot to say about nothing at all.

Maybe like Tom Wolfe said in a magazine interview, "The Internet is the modern form of knitting. In the old days women who had nothing to do would knit, but at least you got something out of it -- a pair of socks, maybe a scarf, occasionally a little bedspread. That's mostly what the Internet is, just passing the time. But unfortunately you are dealing with words that can have meaning."

Courtney

PS. I am well aware that I am one of these time wasters since I am posting this long-winded rant to a blog, and I found the quote from Wolfe by googling "Tom Wolfe AND internet." What can I say - I've tried knitting and couldn't ever get the hang of it.

Jobby job

I got a jobby job, as Michelle would say, today. I accepted a position as a page designer with the Oshkosh Northwestern. It's a small Gannett paper in Oshkosh, Wisc. They're really big on having their people advance and it seems like a really neat place to be. Every year, the town hosts an airshow, a country music festival and soemthing to do with Ducks Unlimited.

Of course, y'all will be free to visit me in Wisconsin once I find a place to live.

-- Donovan

Hey hey from Florida

Not that I really have any business posting here, but since one Mr. Atkinson offered me the login, just wanted to say hello as I kill some time at the office.

For those of you who have no idea who this is, it's Justin Henning, live from South Florida.

I graduated nearly three years ago from KU, and now work as a Web producer at the Palm Beach Post.

Let's see... Other than that, I came across this blog during a Google search for "University Daily kansan." Donovan's on my AOL IM list, and I asked him about the apparent scoruge this LloydChristmas poster has been here and at his blog several weeks ago.

I don't keep one of my own, otherwise, I'd let you know in order to add it to the list.

Not sure what else to tell you, I suspect only a handful of readers here knows who I am, so I won't go into boring detail.

Well, at least not on this post....

Hope all is well at Stauffer-Flint!

Rock chalk,
Justin

Goodbye pub crawl

For those who care and didn't know, I'm leaving for New York City on Tuesday. And to celebrate my last days in Lawrence I've decided to do my first true pub crawl. (I cut out early on a pub crawl for Amanda Kim's birthday last year about this time.)

I know I won't be able to see all of you before I leave for New York so this is my best way of saying bye to you.

The date is Friday. The time is 9 p.m. The first bar is Louise's Downtown, and then we will travel north down Mass St until we loop around to complete the circuit by finishing at Louise's Downtown. (I don't know if we'll make the full circuit, might just stop at the Lyon, but we'll try.)

I or someone more sober will be answering my phone all night so you can get a status report.

Hope to see you there,
Andrew

For the record...

Andy Hyland has the joined the distinguished club of dickhead pranksters who have too much time on their hands. AKS and Bill "I eat my own poop" Cross are co-presidents. Watch out AKS, you might one day go back to your 18-hour days of designing.
-Nate

p.s. Hyland, that was good. But I hope you never get tickets ever again.

Stir crazy in SF

So, yesterday was my first 14-hour day in the newsroom. Campus editing, budget meetings and the ever-glorious copyediting shift until 11:45 p.m. I stepped out of Stauffer-Flint for a 30 minute period that entire day.

My God, what have I brought upon myself? AKS, I may need to borrow those dark sunglasses eventually.

Oh, and Bill? You're an ass.

And you thought Lawrence has weird-ass transients

Sockman ain't got nuttin' on Crow.

Burro-borne traveler needs a leg up from Yumans
BY LINN E. CAROLEO, Sun Staff Writer

Published on: July 29, 2005



Friday afternoon, a man rode into town on a burro.

He stopped at Java Oasis for a cup of coffee and water for his animals.

Several customers stopped and asked to pet his burros as they stood in the shade of a small tree in the parking lot.

Crow is his name, and he is travelling by burro because he finds them the most reliable mode of transportation.

"Burros are tough. They eat whatever they can find. They will eat cactus, leaves off small bushes and other plants. They are a lot more reliable than horses," Crow said.

He travelled through the desert from Mexico, through the Bisbee and Douglas area, past Gila Bend, to Yuma.

"When we were just past Gila Bend, things were really rough. The burros were carrying enough water for me, but the dogs and the burros were really thirsty. I thought I was going to lose them," Crow said.

Crow was sitting outside Java Oasis on 4th Avenue Friday, allowing his animals to get a rest in the shade along with the needed refreshment.

Crow’s dogs are named Scooter and Girlfriend, while his burros are named Mom and Cocoa.

"Scooter (one of the dogs) drank nearly a whole bucket of water when we got here, poor guy. We’ve had a rough time these past few weeks because it has been so hot," Crow said, taking a sip of his coffee.

He has been travelling with his burros for 2 years now.

He explained that he normally sleeps under trees or near water. In Yuma, he slept near a canal in which his dogs almost drowned.

"My dogs were missing so I went down to the canal to get a bucket of water, and there they were in the canal trying to get out. I had to grab them by the scruff and pull them out of the water. I caught Girlfriend by the ear and once she got out, she nearly bit my hand off," he said.

"I just sold my horse to a fellow in Wellton. That horse nearly killed me and it was not as reliable as the burros, so I sold him. Now I am hoping to get over to Wal-Mart to buy a tent, because I have nothing to sleep in," he said.

Crow has some concerns about his animals and is wondering if Yumans might be able to help.

"My one dog has some porcupine needles in her front paws, but she won’t let me take them out. I really need a vet to put her out and then dig out those needles, because right now her paws are swollen and they are probably infected. She’s a great dog, but she’s wild and she won’t let me get near those front paws. I am just afraid what that might cost," Crow said.

He needs hay for his burros and dog food and hopes some Yumans will help out.

"I really need cash, because I am trying to get to northern California or Oregon. But the burros would be really happy to get some hay and my dogs could use some food. Well, heck, so could I," he said with a grin.

At 2 p.m. today, Crow and his entourage will be at the Yuma main library, 350 S. 3rd Ave., if anyone could help him out with donations.

"I would be very grateful for anything really. I worry about my animals, especially the dogs. They are the weakest link, because they will die faster in this heat. The mules are hardier. But any kind of help I can get I would appreciate," Crow said and looked down.

What's so funny about a sausagefest?

I'm editing this for the Indianapolis Star, and it's so good I thought I'd share it with the rest of you. Enjoy! :D

John Juerling learned one thing as chairman of the first St. Thomas Aquinas Sausagefest: The event’s name may have to change.
Organizers wondered why thieves walked off with about 25 signs promoting the festival that takes place today and Saturday on parish grounds at the corner of 46th and Illinois streets.
When the first 4-by-14-foot banner vanished, Juerling moved the other large banner to a higher spot just to be safe. It was stolen, too.
Next, small yard signs in the neighborhood were appropri-
ated.
Eventually, the committee realized that the name must have another meaning and that people were taking them the signs for laughs.
SignCo, the Indianapolis firm that made the banners, re-placed them at no cost, and the those new ones are posted on school and parish hall walls where no one can reach them without a ladder, Juerling said.
Folks who show up at the fest can feast on homemade brats and sausages from Klemm’s German Sausage & Meats, and music, beer, cotton candy dancing and other diversions are also on tap.


-JR

Dear Travis, Eric and Ty X 2

I got you good, you fuckers!

BC

Could Terry Rombeck be leaving LJWorld?

While browsing journalismjobs.com, (Not looking for new job — yet) I came across this:

The Lawrence Journal-World, winner of the 2005 Kansas Press Association's Sweepstakes Award and leader in the converged media arena, seeks a staff writer to cover Kansas University. Candidates must have proven experience covering everything from in-depth enterprise stories, to breaking news as well as complex projects. We're looking to add a journalist to our team who is productive, can file clean, compelling copy on deadline, is innovative and is committed to working in a converged news room. The successful applicant must have strong writing and people skills, at least three years of daily newspaper experience, demonstrated impartiality and strong knowledge of AP style.

We offer an excellent benefits package including a 401(k), plus employee discounts on your newspaper and cable subscriptions, and telephone. Pre-employment drug screen and physical required.

CANDIDATES WITHOUT REQUISITE EXPERIENCE NEED NOT APPLY. Send resume and samples of your work to hrapplications@ljworld.com or ATTN: HR Director/Reporter/Staff Writer 609 New Hampshire, Lawrence, KS 66044. EOE

If this is true, who would replace the man that has scooped us too many bloody times?

— Neil

I shake my fist at you...

I am an idiot.

I'll be the first person to admit this on an almost routine basis. Despite how brilliant I may seem (which I doubt), there's not much rattling around in my head sometimes. Incidents such as Monday's chair fiasco and today's ice smashing debacle further prove my point that maybe I should have ridden the short bus as a kid. Just maybe. Apparently, this also applies to drastically overdone practical jokes involving telecommunication devices.

With that said...not cool, Amanda Kim. You hear me? NOT COOL.

Everytime you crank call a campus editor, God kills a puppy. Please, think of the puppies...

Put the butter back in the fridge!

BEWARE! Be safe my friends, at the Kansan and in the real world. This is coming from someone who got yelled at by Malcolm for blogging the goings on in the newsroom during lulls in copy editing shifts ... AKS

And so it begins...

I just want everyone to know, that approximately one and a half hours into editor training this morning, I fell out of what was once Andy's chair.

And the legacy that is Ty's stupidity lives on...

Actual conversation from the Worthy women technology hub

(otherwise known as our two computers, in the same area, about 12 feet away from one another)

Much less cool sister: Oh man, Peter Jennings died?
Me: Yeah.
MLCS: Shit.
Me: Wait, are you reading that on CNN or on my journal?
MLCS: Your journal.

Yessssssss, Paige Worthy, bloggish purveyor of Internet news far and wide.
Ummm, in other news. I've started moving into my new apartment, which is much better than yours. It has hardwood floors and no walls except around the perimeter. And the bathroom. And the bathroom's celery green.
I want to have a housewarming party when I'm all in there. If I promise not to make a LNOP-worthy scene, would you come? Good lord, I have only recently begun drinking white wine again.

Back to work tomorrow after a very long family vacation in Seattle. It was a pretty good trip (yeah, and I climbed to the top of Mt. Rainier. Didn't you know I was a badass? [That last statement is a lie. Well, the first of the last two statements.]) but I think I like making money and being with people my own age a little better.
And I believe I get to start designing soon. Hooray.

I hope I don't get addicted to Battle Monkeys. -PP

Food-Eating Battle Monkeys!

Andy Hyland found the best, waste-of-time site ... EVER tonight.
Instead of transcribing interviews, I partook in many epic battles. Bill will agree that Food-Eating Battle Monkeys are like drugs! Here is the best battle ever. I think that this site will help pass time in the Kansan newsroom for at least a few days. Go Go Battle Monkeys — AKS

Honor Arco

Hey Amanda and fellow dog-lovers, I thought you might be interested in this little follow-up I editied a few days ago about poor Arco, that police pup that was shot and killed in the line of duty. No word when the bronze memorial will be erected.

"A service will be held today to
honor Arco, the police canine killed
in the line of duty July 11 during a Southside shootout.
Arco, an 8 year
old Belgian Mali-
nois, began his ca-
reer in 1999 with
the Hancock
County Sheriff’s
Department dog
unit. In 2002 he transferred to the Marion County Sheriff’s Department.
The public is invited to honor Arco and the K 9 force."

Kansan orientation is fast approaching and (I'm soooooo sorry to say) I will not be able to attend diversity training (for a fifth time). I still take pride that my group's stuffed-animal skunk was the most popular stuffed-animal at last year's.

JR

Leggo of My Ego

Holy cow, so after a particularly enlightening conversation with someone, I came to realize that my dark sunglasses were just hiding my Satan eyes all of last semester. I have included a compilation of our conversation. News to me! By the way, most of the times I came in wearing the dark sunglasses because they were prescription and I couldn't see if I took them off when I got into Stauffer-Flint. My regular ones were at the bottom of my bag and it was easier to dig them out once I got into the box. I'd walk in and someone would say, "Shit, she's wearin' the dark glasses!" and that would just piss me off and then, well, you know the rest ...

I heart YOU!
AKS

Secret, anonymous source:   And, I'm terribly bad with getting angry. People just laugh at me.
ME: i succeed with intimdation and fear
Secret, anonymous source:   You have them shaking in their boots.
Secret, anonymous source:   I didn't like breaking bad news to you. At the Kansan. At first. I was never quite sure what your reaction would be. Particularly if it was my fault. But I got over that eventually. And then I would become the only person that dared to break bad news to you. Everyone else would make me do it.
ME: like who? and what?????
Secret, anonymous source:   Well, they'd all shake in their boots. EVERYONE. Nobody wanted to tell you anything bad.
ME: you're fucking kidding me!?!
Secret, anonymous source:   So they all made me do it. Can't make that shit up.
ME: like? i had no idea!
Secret, anonymous source:   Ever wonder why I was the only one telling you bad stuff. But usual, day-to-day fuck-ups, were my domain. EVERYONE was terrified of your wrath. And that's not an understatement. Remember Nate's reaction to you? When you told Nate he needed to do a story or something, and how it really messed up the paper. And he went out and did another story for you, to all of our surprise.
ME: i am surprised people were that scared of me. jesus.
Secret, anonymous source:   I was just the appointed Amanda ambassador. I think it was just by comparison. Nobody else really got angry.
ME: fuck! were there discussions about this shit when i wasn't around?
Secret, anonymous source:   People would really come up to me and say "You need to go tell Amanda this." And I would say, ok. And they would say "Thank god!" Or something like that. People would beg me.
ME: what the crap! this is all news to me!
Secret, anonymous source:   I shouldn't say that these people never came to you with bad news. I just was a popular candidate. Do you remember it that way?
ME: now that you talk about it, i do
Secret, anonymous source:   It got worse as the semester wore on. And people saw that I wasn't afraid.
ME: i really had no clue. people are such pussies. i would have never let me treat me like that ...
Secret, anonymous source:   See, I took the kindness route. And it worked out pretty well.
Secret, anonymous source:   I didn't get upset. Or quiver in fear. Just kept on keepin on.
ME: you didn't bullshit me. i hate bullshitting
Secret, anonymous source:   People really needed to figure that out. Your status was legendary, though. People were always afraid of being the target of your wrath.
ME: oooo, my ego likes that. what sort of wrath was that?
Secret, anonymous source:   Well, you got very angry. At things. Stormed out, and sat silently in a huff. And told people that they needed to fix problems. To these people, it would be shocking for them to find out that you didn't know you were feared.
ME: ha ha. that is good stuff.
Secret, anonymous source:   Everyone always seemed to think you were holding grudges against them. Not grudges. I really think all the reporters thought you hated them. Except Shaad. He understood things. And Nate. Ty thought you were going to kill him in his sleep.
ME: what????????? why did they think that? how did shaad 'understand' things? oh, i would have killed ty in his sleep had i known his room number
Secret, anonymous source:   Ty thought you considered him a royal fuck-up. Everyone was afraid to make you angry.
ME: oh. my. god.
Secret, anonymous source:   They just didn't know how to deal with that.
ME: i would have killed any of them in their sleep
Secret, anonymous source:   I'm a little surprised you didn't know this.
ME: so how did nate and shaad understand?
Secret, anonymous source:   Shaad never seemed to be afraid of you. Nate got better.
ME: that's why i was cool with him. He understood things. i didn't hate on shaad because he did his job and didn't fucking bullshit
Secret, anonymous source:   Yup
ME: one time in junior high, the track coach called the entire track team (which was basically everybody in 6th, 7th and 8th grades) and had a discussion with them why not to call me chink and tease me for being half korean. i had absolutely no clue that the entire junior high had a meeting about me. where the fuck was I? this is what that feels like.
Secret, anonymous source:   I'm really surprised that this is news to you.
ME: i knew based on vaupel's little "talks" with me, i think there was one or two, that people weren't too keen on me, but damn!
Secret, anonymous source:   Oh, people liked you. Just not when you were mad.
ME: uh... i was mad all the time
Secret, anonymous source:   That's not entirely true.
ME: 90%
Secret, anonymous source:   But, you were mad a lot. That's another thing, I don't think most people dealt with that much mad all the time. They didn't know how to take it.
ME: i gots a lots of mad
Secret, anonymous source:   Many took it personally.
ME: personally? i liked everybody. except that cross douche
Secret, anonymous source:   Well, I guess I mean personally in that they felt they caused it in some way. Not personally in that you hated them. Although some thought you hated them.
ME: those pussies
Secret, anonymous source:   I find it hard to believe that you did not know you were feared. I was always under the impression you constantly sought (and achieved) that. If you didn't want people to be afraid of you, were you really just that angry for five months?
ME: i certainly did not seek or achieve it. i was just angry and angry that people weren't trying harder. i've always been angry though. i found out recently that my family does not tell me things either and is scared of me. why? they freaking made me that way! yes i was. i mean, i understood that me being a bitch lit a fire under some people's asses sometimes and others just shut down. the ones who asses got lit usually did good stuff. i guess it's my fucked up way of accomplishing shit.

The best "soap" opera ever

http://www.bargain-mall.com/soap.htm

This cracked me up. Who knew hotel soap was so offensive.

AD

Non-JC, part II

Tomorrow is my last day at the Inquirer. Future plans to come.

Neeley

Non-JC post

Hi. I'm not in Junction City. Therefore, nothing interesting is happening in my life.

Anon

Matchy, Matchy

So today at work, we were all seemingly dressed in pairs. Lauren first noticed that a lot of people were wearing blues and purples. She, however, was wearing yellow and felt left out.

Then in the news meeting, AKS pointed out that Grey and I were very coordinated in our purple-striped dress shirts. Then Grey said "Well, Donovan and I do talk about fashion a lot." We all chuckled. I said "We e-mail each other every morning. With photos." We all chuckled again.

Then I talked about The Dukes of Hazzard movie and AKS said the word "cooter."

-- Donovan

P.S. I know it's not a real em dash, Paige. But I haven't figured out how to type those on PCs.